Considering adoption as a family-building option

The ongoing advancement of medical technology in the field of reproductive medicine offers you many options to consider when deciding how to fulfill your dream of expanding your family. For those of you that decide to seek medical treatment, there are many factors to consider before taking action. There is a plethora of information available to you so it is important that you have a fertility plan in place to help you in your decision-making process.

Adoption may or may not be an option you are currently considering to build your family. Whether you are currently considering adoption, or know that you may want to consider it in the future, I think you will find the following information provided by Steffany Aye of Adoption & Beyond helpful.


For most couples, infertility is the reason why they turn to adoption to build their family. However, before a family makes the jump from infertility to adoption, it is extremely important that they have properly grieved their infertility and said goodbye to the perfect biological child who in their dreams would have had all the prefect qualities. A child who comes into a family through adoption cannot fill the void that infertility has left; the child can only fulfill their dreams of raising a child.

Most couples who experience infertility go through a series of stages in their grief and loss journey. Please note these stages are not static, couples will commonly move between stages and back again.

Stage One- Denial
Couples at first will typically deny the fact that they are infertile.

Stage Two – Anger
Couples during this stage are angry at each other, angry at themselves, angry at doctors and angry at others who do not understand.

Stage Three- Depression
Couples usually find this stage the most difficult, because society does not recognize infertility as a life crisis and often couples feel isolated, which can deepen their depression.

Stage Four- Acceptance
Couples having accepted the fact that they are infertile, have a greater ability to fully embrace and bond with their child.

The two best ways for families to grieve their infertility and to move past it and into acceptance:

  1. Seek help from a therapist who specializes in infertility counseling.
  2. Time. Giving oneself time to heal from the loss is very important.

Families who have properly grieved their infertility and have moved from their desire of becoming pregnant to their desire of becoming a parent are ready to move onto embracing parenthood, no matter how their child joins their family.

-Steffany A. Aye, LSCSW, LCSW

Founder, Executive Director, Clinical Social Worker and Adoptive Mom